Friday, July 2, 2010

Who I Was...

"Why is Dayne teaching anybody about the mental game. Does he remember how he used to be?!"

-Friend from the past

Who I was is not who I am.

I used to be hot-headed, throwing and breaking numerous tennis racquets whenever I got angry. I was thrown out of a high school tennis tournament for verbally abusing the referee. I got in a fist fight with every player on my basketball team during my senior year. I jumped over the net, attempted to punch my opponent after he cheated me, but before I could reach him, my doubles partner grabbed my collar and pulled me to the ground. Wanting to get kicked out of a match because I was losing, I purposely elbowed my opponent as we changed sides of the court. 

Who I was is not who I am.

After missing an easy jump shot during a prestigious high school basketball All Star game, I told the coach not to put me back in. Here I was in front of college scouts, and I couldn't make a 15 foot shot? "Why even play this stupid game? I'll never make it at the college level," I told myself. I remember that moment as if it was yesterday. I could've played college basketball for most Division I teams, but allowed that moment to sway my belief system... choosing the "easy" tennis route, where I knew I would succeed.

Who I was is not who I am.

A very close friend said she didn't want a priest to marry her and her fiance... instead she wanted me to do the wedding ceremony. After immediately saying no, I took two weeks to rethink that decision. "Marry them? Me? Are they freakin' crazy, wanting me to speak in front of 150 people on the biggest day of their life... a day in which I could potentially ruin?" The fear I had of completely destroying the most important day of their lives is exactly the reason I decided to say yes! Fear wouldn't run my life any longer. I stood in front of the gorgeous couple, their family and friends, and took the biggest risk of my life!

Who I was is not who I am.

After shooting my worst score during my first golf tournament, I immediately entered another one, shot my all time best score, and won the tournament. After losing in the finals of a tennis tournament I previously won 4 times , and was supposed to win again, I called my opponent and congratulated him for playing so well. I had aspirations of wanting more, needing more, and deserving more, but didn't know how to accomplish those goals. I took a chance, quit my job, chased that dream, and made it a reality.

Who I was is not who I am.

My wife wanted to start a family, but I didn't think I was ready to be a daddy. How was I going to teach a little baby anything? I didn't know how to be a father... my baby would definitely see all my flaws, know I was faking it, and wouldn't ever trust me. How was I going to earn enough money to support my family in the city we live? How was I going to stop being so selfish? How would I get over my fear of failure, self doubt, and insecurities? Then Logan was born...

Who I was made me who I am!!


Sarah said...

I love this. Totally inspiring!

spldbch said...

Isn't it funny to look back at where we started? It's only then that we can truly appreciate how far we've come! Great post.

Dayne Gingrich said...

It is amazing when I look back at how I used to be... especially when I'm teaching kids that age trying NOT to be that way.

I believe that acting like that made me better able to help steer them away from that path.

Thanks for the kind words.


Powdered Toast Man said...

Well said. I wish we all thought that way. Who I was still haunts who I want to be.

Zabrinah said...

Wow. Love your blog. Powerful message. It's true. We change. We evolve. What used to make us mad doesn't make us mad anymore. We conquer some of our fears. We keep growing!


Best wishes from one blogger to another,