Friday, November 6, 2009

I See You, But You Don't Exist!

I'm in the midst of a huge battle within, and need your help.

My main enemy is Mr. Illusion. He keeps urging me... no, pleading with me... to hold on tight, to squeeze and not let go.

"If you allow yourself to let go of the tight grip you have on your life, you'll lose everything you've built," he shouts! "Don't let go. Squeeze those fists together. Don't let go."

This instinctively goes against what my brain, eyes and heart are telling me. I want more. I need more for happiness to continue growing, but this Illusion character is strong. He whispers fear in my ear daily... so much, that I find myself doubting why I want more.

("More" doesn't have to be anything physical or monetary. It simply means better).

I know that in order to give and receive, I must first open my fists. My palms must be clearly visible for all to see. The tension in my grip has to disappear, but more importantly, the tension that's vibrating through my family, due to this Illusion dude, must be released. I can't continue living in a state-of-squeeze, dammit!

When I think of allowing this strong grip over my life to fade away, I naturally feel the fear of all the "what-ifs" drawing near. I've grown accustom to holding on tight ~ it feels good to be in control. Mr. Illusion laughs! He knows there's no real control when I squeeze. Sure, I don't allow anything to leave, but I also don't let anything new to enter. That's not being in control... that's being controlled!

Hey, Illusion! It's you and me from now on. You won't win. You can't win. I see right through you... you don't exist!


Beautiful Dreamer said...

Wonderful post! We have all had these struggles in some way or another. You have described it perfectly. Thank you for sharing.

Beautiful Dreamer

spldbch said...

It's ok to be afraid -- we all are at times. But you can be afraid and let go at the same time. Don't wait for your fear to go away. Acknowledge your fear and do it anyway!

Matty said...

Dayne, from the sounds of this post, you already know what you have to do. You just need a nudge from us to reaffirm it for you. Relax and let go.

Holding tight onto everything to maintain control, intellectually sounds right. But what about the tennis racket, or the baseball bat, or the whatever. Instructors often teach to relax the grip for better control and range.

Hold the ball too tight, and the throw is errant, Hold it too loose, the same result in a different direction. Ya gotta find the right balance in life too.

Sarah said...

they say the more you try to hold on the faster you lose it, no matter what 'it' is. so let go and enjoy the control-free sail of life.

Alice in Wonderland said...

Agree with Sarah on this one, Dayne! Just let it go! You have said it yourself, it's an illusion! It just doesn't exist!
Big hugs.

plainolebob said...

Coach Dayne, glad I'm just an ole country boy, hell, we let it all go, all the time, then srart it all up all over again.
If i spent a quarter for ever nickel I had, hell I'd soon go broke.

Missy said...

I am reading this as I am watching the memorial service of a fallen police officer in our area. He was killed in the line of duty, in cold blood, maliciously and senselessly. He leaves behind a beautiful wife an 11yr old daughter and an 8 yr old son.

Remember to live your life for today. This is the life that God has given you. Live your life for the blessings you have been given. Live your life and be thankful for the things that you have been given.

Live your life for God and for your family. The rest is just fluff.

Midnight Whisperer said...

I have so much I want to say on this subject! But don't fear, I won't do that to you ; ) I promise to try and keep this comment to a minimum...

"Nella vita; chi non risica, non rosica"... (In life; nothing ventured, nothing gained)

If you do not open yourself up for the possibility of something better - even if there are risks by doing so, then you destroy any chance of gaining what 'could be' by settling for 'what is'. But deep down, I have confidence that you already know that ; )

Missy - In my opinion... If you ONLY live for today, without regard for what tomorrow could bring if you open yourself up for the possibilities it could hold, then you aren't truly LIVING. I believe we only truly LIVE by giving honor to the Past while embracing the Present and hoping for the Future... Otherwise you are just settling, and that is no way to live.

***And I promised to keep this short (Sorry)***

Just Playin' said...

We saw Revolutionary Road last night. Very depressing. Didn't know the movie. One wanted to hold on tight. One wanted to let it all go. Couldn't find a happy medium. You will though. I think you already have.

AJAB said...

Your message resonates with me greatly; I was so protective of my world, and future that I dared not even start a blog; it was too risky. After all, I might actually say what I'm thinking, and, "Oooo" that can't be good! Once I began, I discovered that my suspicions where right, I developed "diarrhea of the mouth", and all kinds of ... stuff is flying out! Of course, now I'm glad to be rid of it, and what I fear more, is ever being that bound up again. (Don't read too much into the imagery... just didn't want to mix metaphors.)

Anywho, thus far, everyone seems to be in agreement: unclench that fist :)

Deborah said...

Again, another great post. I agree with this totally but I can see you have a way with words!
Thanks again, Deborah