Sunday, June 27, 2010

This Learning Thing

Opportunities to learn are everywhere, aren't they? Sometimes, we just have to open our eyes and ears to the possibilities of what's staring us in the face.

Watching my 17 month old daughter pick up a telephone and put it to her ear, pretending to talk to grandma made me think of the learning thing. Taking my keys and attempting to open the front door of our house made me think of this learning thing. Laughing with her, as she attempts to eat spaghetti with her little pink baby fork makes me think. Nodding yes when she approves, and no when she doesn't, as if she's absolutely positive about what she wants, always makes me giggle... then makes me think. Taking small pieces of garbage and carefully putting them in the trash bin. Making sure she holds dada's hand before walking down stairs (because she once fell off, hurting herself) makes me think about this learning thing. Taking our phones and pretending to take pictures... how in the heck does she know how to do that? We didn't show her - or did we? She watched and watched, learned and learned, and eventually understood.

Absolutely amazing!

Talking with a mother and father of a new student today made me think of this learning thing. Acknowledging the mental coaching I do isn't just about the specifics we're learning at the moment... they're also applicable to every step their son will take. A mom and dad, passionate about their son's sport, and wanting him to taste success, had the awareness of the bigger picture... not getting wrapped up in his winning or losing. Made me think of this learning thing. Having his dad show me a book cover with three pictures of past champions, telling me they're all in a slump because of their mindsets, not their physical skills... got me thinking of this learning thing.

Parents that can see past today's successes and failures, focusing on tomorrow's lessons... awesome!

Listening to my gorgeous wife talk about the rekindled passion for her business... made me think of this learning thing. Watching her change, fix, create, and continue to master components of her website... night after long night. Got me thinking. Sitting back in the shadows, watching her interact with our little Logan; her heart overflowing with love, insight, kindness, and an ability to teach. Made me think of this learning thing. Remembering the days Liane and I would sit in the coffee shop, talking about our dreams and how we'd achieve them... now in the process of doing exactly that. Finding a way to balance long hours on our paths to "success," while still pouring our hearts and souls into Logan - making her the true priority.

Made me do some heavy thinking about this learning thing!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Can You Believe This...

I'm why you'll ultimately reach your next level, and the very reason you won't. I live in you, around you, I'm with you every minute, and I'm what many try to take away from you. I've been coached, trained, and talked about, but you're the only one who can make me come to life.

You've had moments of feeling my power and ability to take you places you've aspired to reach, but for some reason have a difficult time making me part of your every day. You continue to ask questions about me, yet rarely have the courage to look me square in the face and make me stick around. You seem to hope I will hang out for awhile, and even love my company... but can't make the conscious decision to demand I stay permanently.

Why is this?

Are you afraid of what you'll see if I do make a habit of living with you? Maybe the changes in you will be too drastic? Will the success you create during my stay make you uncomfortable?

Self Belief is my name... and changing futures is my game! (Yeah, yeah - I know that was cheesy... but still true). What will it take to truly believe in yourself? How much evidence do you need? Ahhh, this is really the problem. Most wait for the evidence to arrive before they begin believing in themselves, but waiting is the biggest issue. We first have to believe from the inside; believe in our potential and the possibilities. Once this happens, the "evidence" will show it's face. This concept is counterintuitive, making most people think the opposite to be true, continuing the negative cycle of self doubt.

"I think I can do it, but I'm going to wait for the results before I'll really believe."


"So many friends say that I have the talent, but if I had that much talent, I'd be winning consistently. I'll believe in myself when the winning begins."



This type of thinking is exactly why those people rarely ever see the positive results, and why they seem to live a life full of self doubt. If you're an athlete, looking for that higher level... believe with unwavering confidence that you absolutely WILL attain your goals. If you're trying to lose those extra pounds, first believe you deserve to be healthier, then believe with all your being that you will grab ahold of your goals... no matter how much work it takes or how much you have to sacrifice.

"The moment we believe it to be possible... it instantly becomes probable."



Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Last post, I wrote about having high expectations and the eventual results that will manifest because of those expectations. Everyone was telling me NOT to "expect so much right now" because I took so much time off.

I say ... W-R-O-N-G! Expect more and bigger.

The day after I wrote my last post, I went out on the golf course and exceeded every expectation I had for myself at this point in my "comeback." I shot 9 strokes better than I should have (according to all opinions other than my own). I played as well as I did when I stopped 6 years ago.


Because I expected nothing less, expected it now... and knew it would happen!

Was it sooner than I originally thought? Yep, but that's the beauty of having high expectations... we never know what our minds and belief systems will do for us.

Believe you ABSOLUTELY WILL... no matter what they say.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

What Do You Expect?

I was playing golf the other day, not having a very good day, and was getting very frustrated. The person I was playing with kept saying, "What do you expect? You haven't played in 6 years."

What do I expect?? I expect to be good again, and now!

Most say this type of thinking is ludicrous, impatient, and just plain unrealistic (ughhh... there's that word again). I don't think it's unrealistic at all. Let me explain.

I stopped playing golf 6 years ago after becoming a 3 handicap, and tons of hours on the course. I worked my butt off, had a goal of becoming a 5 handicap within 3 years, and EXPECTED to attain that goal... no questions, no excuses. It took about 4 years of constant play, but I finally reached my goal -- actually surpassed my original objective by 2 strokes. Whatever I've wanted... truly wanted, I've always attained. Why?

Because my expectations were always high, and I never stopped until the goal was met. 

If I took the attitude of, "I haven't played in a long time, therefore I'm going to play terribly... be patient," my short term pain would definitely lessen, but my long term success would absolutely take much longer to arrive. I believe, with every ounce of my being, that striving for the highest possible peak will allow us to reach further than we ever thought possible. The immediate challenge with having such high expectations is that the short term pain can (and most likely will) be very intense and frustrating. These aspirations of playing at a high level again makes my mind wonder to the past and how good I used to be, resulting in losing focus on this one single moment. On the other hand, not having lofty goals will ease the pain of right now, but will leave me lazy and unwilling to push myself as hard as I possibly can... both physically and mentally.

So, when he said,"what do you expect? You haven't played in 6 years," what I heard was "don't push yourself so hard, moron. Who do you think you are, and why do you care so much? You're not good anymore!" Of course, he probably just meant "relax and have some fun," but let me tell you a little secret: Sucking isn't fun!

Don't allow anyone to tell you not to expect bigger, better, or more than they think is possible. Who cares if your expectations are greater than most would dream of reaching for... this is how you'll ultimately reach your next level. Most can't, won't, or are too scared to try -- or at least afraid of the sacrifices needed to truly attain what they want. Don't be them. Be the one who does expect to be great, either again or for the first time.

Reach higher than they say is possible, and watch what happens. The results that come from pushing harder than expected will be greater than you can imagine!

(And to the person who said this... I WILL get my money back, plus interest!) 

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I'm So Proud Of You!

Well, it's that time of year again... the bitter-sweet taste of growth and departure!

More of "my seniors" are moving on from the high school days, stepping into that college life. To all of you, I wish you the best and hope you continue to grow and strive for that 1%. As we always talk about, never settle for less than your absolute maximum effort. Results, both good and bad, will come... but passion and positive action is all we'll ever have.

I attended a graduation ceremony this afternoon and heard a wonderful quote from a speaker. This may not be word-for-word, but I'll do my best to get it's point across:

"Life is about two things: Having a dream and walking down it's hallway, touching both sides of the wall along the way."

This is what I wish for my "kids," as they step onto their new paths... find that passion, live every moment attempting to make it a reality!

I'd now like to take a minute to give a huge hug to a particular student I've been teaching since she was in 4th or 5th grade, now getting ready to fly off to college. I'm soooo proud of how you've grown and turned into such a bright, creative, free-thinking young woman. I still remember how shy you used to be, never uttering a word, let alone any type of opinion. Ohhh... how that's changed. Now I can't get you to stay quiet - haha!

You've always been that person to think on different, higher levels... sometimes levels in which I thought "should" be way over your head. As with the first day of our lessons, I still believe with 100% certainty, you'll be changing the world. Your fearlessness is going to hand you many, many successes, most likely the kind that you'll pass on to others. 

You're going to teach... you're going to inspire... you're going to give back in ways we all should be striving for... you're going to fall in love hard, and be loved back even harder... your blue eyes are going to allow you to see life in those beautiful colors of light you always speak of... you're going to make your family more proud of you than you could ever imagine... you're going to create footprints your children's children will try to fill... you're going to change, not only yourself, but everyone around you... you're going to lead... you ARE amazing!

I'm sooo proud of you, KC!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Who Said We Can't Be Selfish!

In order to achieve what we truly desire, we must have passion, a plan, and take massive action... but we also must be incredibly selfish!

At first glance, you may disagree (I sure did), but after taking a longer look, I believe this to be true. Yes, we can take others' advice, give parts of ourselves along our journey, but in the end, it's all about what we think... what we say to ourselves... how we act... and what we choose to do about the process.

There will be many opinions about whether or not we're "doing it right," but our own assessment is the only one that counts. Our daily decisions will ultimately dictate when and how we reach our prize. They will definitely say, "I think you should do (X)," but we should nod respectfully, thank them for their suggestion, and refocus our attitude to what we know to be true for us.

There are simply times in our lives when we just need to take, take, take. Writing this actually makes me cringe a little but reliving the success I've had in the past, and thinking about my students' successes, makes me believe it just has to happen once in awhile. Nice guys finish last can absolutely be true, depending on our specific path. If we're competing against ruthless, cutthroat competitors, then being nice will definitely lead to our demise. If we're attempting to make colossal changes in our lives -- losing extensive weight, creating new eating habits, or quitting smoking... sometimes nice isn't the way. We may just have to say No I won't! No I can't! If you want to, please go ahead, but I never will again!

What is it that you want? 

-Take it!

What plan do you need to create? 

-Do it!

How much time do you need to spend?

-Put in the hours... no excuses!

Playing a round of golf with one of my students, it was obvious that she was too nice on the course. I was beating her, not because I was necessarily better, but because I was mentally tougher. I wanted it more than she did, and knew that I could take it from her! When she becomes more selfish, more mentally dominant, and forces her own will on her opponents, they won't stand a chance. She's never competed this way and understood the importance it'll have on her results, but the moment her mindset shifts, will be the moment she sees that next professional level! 

Dream the dream, see it happening, and take it... no matter what they say!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

What A Difference One Word Can Make

I was recently talking with a new client, picking his brain about the past, trying to figure out what he wanted for his future. After 30 minutes, it was obvious he was unknowingly self-sabotaging his results with what he was telling himself on a daily basis. He was sincerely passionate about creating a new path for himself, and was prepared to do the work necessary to achieve that outcome. Unfortunately, he hadn't yet understood the negative power he was implanting in his unconscious with one simple word he continually used.

"I can't seem to get to that next level because..."

"I can't figure out why I'm stuck..."

"I can't create the new habits I know I need..."

He was cemented in this negative way of thinking, directly affecting his daily actions, and not allowing him to move forward.

"I can't..." is assuming a specific future, actually manifesting the outcome he feared the most.  Using this specific self-talk is drawing a conclusion to a result that hasn't yet arrived... and ironically making it come true.

My goal for him was to help switch his language to "I haven't."

"I haven't found that next level yet, but I definitely will."

"I haven't figured out why I'm still stuck, but I definitely will."

"I haven't implemented my new habits, but I understand how important they are, and will soon."

With a simple shift in one word, notice how much more powerful his thoughts become. He's now full of possibilities and confidence when he focuses on his future.

"I haven't" is a fact, and is totally in our control. We can immediately focus on the change we want when we use this type of language. Remember, when we want to achieve anything new, we must first focus on what we say and think. Our thoughts create specific emotions, which will beget definite and precise actions. Knowing this, we should be conscious and very careful of the self-talk we choose.

Take a look at your own daily thoughts and what you're telling yourself... any changes you can make?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

You, Me, Them... We're All The Same

Coach Your Mind works with many athletes, but isn't exclusive to these athletes. When I created CYM, I made a promise to myself that whoever reached out would be helped to the best of my abilities. Yes, I'm an athlete, grew up as one, think like one... but I'm also a husband, father, someone who struggled with grades in school, feared anything new, and ran away from failure. I was the model my business was built around. When I look in the mirror, I see each and every person I've worked with and remember the pain, self doubt, and anxiety they once felt (and sometimes still feel). I also know what it feels like to look at those negatives, say "enough," and grab the success we all deserve... just as my students have learned.

I know them... I am them!

Many years ago before CYM, I was flipping the channels and came across a man with dread locks speaking to an audience of over 5,000. He was animated, walking from one side of the stage to the other, and sweating profusely. His energy instantly grabbed me and wouldn't let go, as if I was supposed to sit down and watch the rest of his show. I didn't know what he was talking about, but I was definitely going to find out.

I began sitting, but by the time he was finished, I was standing and pacing back and forth with him. He was amazing! I don't remember this speaker's name, but I do recall three questions he constantly asked his audience. I remember because I wrote them down, put them in my wallet, and look at them every day. These three questions eventually changed my life, and continue to help me grow to the 1% I strive for.

How can I grow?

How can I give?

What can I celebrate?

We don't have to be athletes to ask these questions - we only need a deep passion for wanting to become new, better, and more! How would your life be affected if you asked these questions on a daily basis? 
If we ask, answers will find us.  

Try... I dare you!