She Used To Own Shoes...

Just be nice.

If you see someone in need... give!

I watched at least 25 people look at her, stop, stare, and walk away in disgust. They should be disgusted with their own behavior. Help her; view her with compassion and empathy, rather than fear and horror. Instead of focusing on her present state (a place where you could easily find yourself), concentrate on opening your hand to her... offering your generosity and understanding.

When she looks in your eyes and sees your selflessness, this may be enough to make her feel worthy. If you make her feel as if she belongs, she may start believing the same. Small gifts often find themselves turning into large life-changers.

We too often find ourselves judging the current state of others, as if we're untouchable. She wasn't always living this way. Something in her rear view created a path of misfortune, eventually placing her here today. Help her find a better path, even if it's by simply saying hello or nodding hi. Smiling as you pass may do more to help her than you'll ever know.

Everyone is worthy of compassion... no matter their present state.

She used to own shoes.

This Is What I Mean

If we're going to achieve anything, we must be passionate, create a plan, and be totally committed to taking action towards that plan. I want to congratulate a few of my golf students who understand this equation, and are on track to accomplishing everything they want.

Ladies first, of course...


Mareon Smit 
She just won her first big tournament at the Ventura Junior Match Play Championship. This 17 year old is one of the most focused, discipline, and hard working athletes I've ever seen. She's been battling through some difficult obstacles, on and off the course, but is now beginning to realize how her work ethic is paying off.  She views these "obstacles" as opportunities, and is proving that nothing will stop her from reaching her goals. I mention her name to all of my students, no matter the sport. Everyone can learn from Mareon's attitude and dedication to the next level. Professional golf will be in her future if she continues to immerse herself in this process.





Jack Perry
This week, he finished second in the SCGA (Southern Cal. Golf Assoc.) Match Play Championship, having to beat many older and more experienced players along the way. At age 18, he was the youngest competitor in the field, but proved to be stronger, mentally and physically than 99% of the players. He's an incredible ball-striker, but has lacked self belief and a knowingness that he can dominate every time he steps onto the course. Without question, he's learning how to "flip the switch" from fear to an unwavering confidence and belief that he does belong. Jack's headed to Northwestern University next year, and will definitely be walking the courses as a professional in the future.




Matthew Hansen
He's currently playing in the NCGA (Northern Cal. Golf Accoc.) Match Play Championship, and winning big! Today, he defeated the #1 player in the NCGA, and at is competing in his next round as I write. At 18 years old, he is also one of the youngest players in the field, but is proving that age is only a number. Matthew has a calm, meticulous way about him... yet is a fearless competitor. When I texted him after one of his wins, reminding him to stay focused on mentally destroying his opponent, his simple reply: "That's the plan!" I laughed out loud, thinking how relaxed his message sounded. That's Matthew... calm, quiet, and ready to pounce. Later this month, he'll be playing in the U.S. Amateur, where the best amateurs in the country will be competing. He's off to UC Davis next year, and will be playing on the PGA Tour in the near future.

All three of these players wouldn't be where they are today without their swing coach, Don Parsons. http://thestudioattwinlakes.ning.com. He's an amazing coach who has committed himself to helping these kids take their games to another level. I feel privileged he asked me to be a part of the equation!

Everything you want is right there for the taking... immerse yourself in the process. 

Shocking News!

We're all afraid to succeed!

Yes we are - you, me, him, her, and all the rest of them. We're afraid to step beyond our way of living, thinking, and believing. Most of us say we're not, but the evidence is clear.

Do some of us figure out HOW to walk towards that next level? Absolutely... but the majority have to be taught how to make it happen. I had to be taught, and still work on this fear on a daily basis. My mindset is challenged regularly, forcing me to focus on the probable future rather than the possible failure.

I'm not arrogant enough to avoid the mirror when making this statement. I'm one of the biggest culprits. I lived 2/3's of my life afraid of success and what it meant, both after and during the process. Achievement meant risk... risk meant failure... therefore, achievement had to mean failure. I was going to avoid that equation at all costs. Most of us do, either consciously or unconsciously.

"Success" simply means new, better, bigger... different. Our instincts try to avoid these new beginnings because of the inevitable short term pain that comes with the discovery. Hiding from bigger and better is a survival instinct. Our brain is doing it's best to shield us from hurt, but one thing I can guarantee: The next level can only arrive after the pain and struggle. Our job is to override this instinct, step past our old belief systems, and create new impulses.

Don't tell me you want success... do something about it! Risk what you're afraid to risk. Take steps that most tell you will be impossible and a wast of time. Your goal: New, bigger, better, and different. When you say you can't... do! When you think of the potential pain that could result... do! When they say don't... do!

Do it now before you wish you could've done...

I See Opportunity... What Do You See?

Our ultimate experience is based on our perceptions!

This is so true, so basic, so valid for everything we do in life... yet rarely applied. Too often, we live our lives on auto pilot, thinking we're slaves to our outcomes. It's true, many outcomes are out of our hands, but how we choose to perceive what happens is totally up to us. 

What we see, think, believe, and how we talk to ourselves will determine our realities, period. John sees future success when he hits a wall. Kristin sees failure after she runs into that wall. Same wall... two different realities.

Our ultimate experience is based on our perceptions!

Every minute of every day, we have choices that will affect our outcomes. How we decide to look and react to these moments will have an instant impact on our day, creating a long term picture of our lives. 

"Man or Boy?" I hammered these two words into my student's unconscious during his session today. He has a choice to react like a man after a bad outcome, or an immature boy. HE GETS TO CHOOSE! His decision will determine who he becomes. 

Our ultimate experience is based on our perceptions!

Draw confidence from past successes... or ignore them, and stew on all of our past mistakes? We choose. We're given the power to consciously make that decision. There will always be successes and failures in our lives, but what we decide to focus on will create who we become. Another student had this decision yesterday during her session. After a great shot, her instincts made her focus on the negative: "Why couldn't I do this in my last tournament?" she asked herself. She took a very confident experience, and instantly turned it into a negative. After realizing what she did, she consciously changed how she perceived these moments, creating more confidence, one good shot at a time. When the day was over, she had shot her best round of golf to date.

I see opportunity... what do you see?

We'll Never Know...

To quit or not to quit... that is the question.

To stare fear in the eye, and slap it in it's face... that is our goal.

To watch one obstacle after another keep showing it's face ... "now what" becomes our favorite two words.

Ignoring the negative voices that continue to tell us we're not good enough... that is our only option.

Pushing our bodies and minds past the pain as it screams through our veins... that is our passion.

Looking into the future, and only seeing struggle... this is why success is so sweet.

Creating a fighter out of ashes and torn goals... is it even possible?

We'll never know... because you quit!

You HAVE To See This...

Please take a couple minutes to view this video. Butch Lumpkin doesn't view his "disability" as an obstacle... he sees it as a way to separate himself. He only focuses on what he has, and understands everything becomes probable the moment we believe it's possible.

If we choose to look at the possibilities of our path, we WILL find a way.

Simple As That!

Short term pain is worth long term success.

NUFF SAID!

When Will The Fear Disappear?

While watching a student of mine compete recently, I was asked a common question by his father: "When will his fear go away?" 


His son was playing very well, but is young, and hasn't developed the ability to conquer his self doubt. Ironically, he's one of the best male high school golfers in the state, received a full scholarship to Northwestern University, and just tied Tiger Woods' Southern California's Amateur scoring record. Why would a player with this much talent have a "fear" problem, and how do we make it disappear?


How do we make it disappear is the main problem. Trying to make fear go away or attempting to hide from it will ultimately make it stronger. Most would tell him to ignore the fear... I say embrace it, invite it back again, and kick it in it's teeth. I want him to remember what it feels like to be scared. I want him to look at his fearful face in the mirror. I want him to admit to this fear thing that it used to get the better of him... but no more will it run his life. Never again will he allow it to dictate his actions! 


Ask self doubt to come back, rather than being afraid of the fear. Ask it to return, in order to demand that it leaves!


Fear is an illusion. It's never as powerful as we make it in our mind, but if we don't attack it head-on, it will run our lives. In my student's specific situation, he allows self doubt to make him focus on what he doesn't want, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more he concentrates on what he's afraid of, the more often those fears manifest.


What he's now learning to do is substitute confident, powerful wants and needs for his doubts and fears. Confidence and doubt can't live together... absolutely impossible. His immediate goal is to replace these new confident thoughts every time he feels fear of failure. After repeating this over and over, his unconscious will then respond with fearless actions... soon turning habitual, and eventually building a cycle of belief. 


The unconscious naturally goes to it's fear place if we don't tell it otherwise. It's a survival technique- a way to guard against pain. In order to override this instinct, we must consciously take over our thoughts and feelings, creating a new positive mindset. 


We're in control... fear isn't!


Jack: You accomplished something in your last tournament that most can only dream of. You played against experienced men and beat all of them, except one. Take this confidence to Northwestern, knowing the Tour is just around the corner. Believe in yourself. You've earned the right!

The Answer To Why Is?

Create new habits, instead of staying away from chocolate.

Build more fat-burning muscle, rather than "gotta go to the gym."

Construct a point in tennis, instead of hitting corner-to-corner.

Manage emotions and self-talk on the golf course, in place of crushing the ball.

Focus squarely on a perfect routine on the balance beam, instead of the mistake that could ruin your score.

Lead by example, in place of talking-the-fancy-talk.

Create life evolving momentum, instead of simply wanting to change.

Too often, we get stuck focusing on the second part of each of these sentences, mainly because they're all short term goals. To really make a difference in what we're hoping for, we must look at the bigger, more detailed long term picture. 

Rather than going to the gym because we know we should and it's good for us, create a more specific picture of why we're pushing our bodies and comfort zones. Our unconscious minds need a "deeper" reason for waking up at 6 am to run on the treadmill. It needs a motivation that can construct and sustain it's long term goals. Our unconscious is listening 24 hours, 7 days... give it something powerful to hear!

On the golf course, it's important to be able to blast a ball 300 yards, but not as crucial as learning how to deal with the emotional roller coaster that's inevitable with every hole. Knowing why we think the way we think, and building a game plan to help manage those thoughts will make us better in the long run. I see too many players focusing on past and future thoughts, rather than learning how to formulate a blueprint that keeps them in this one single moment. Hitting now vs. Focusing on the now... the biggest downfall of most athletes!

I was recently talking to a woman who was "trying her hardest" to stay away from chocolate, forgetting about the why part of the equation. She consciously knew why, but hadn't yet learned to make it her primary focus. Trying not to eat chocolate will only work in the short term... creating new, powerful eating habits will ultimately lead her to what she wants. She, like so many, is focusing on what she doesn't want, rather than the new way she wishes to eat and live. When she makes that switch, everything she's hoping for will click into place.

So many of us fall short of achieving what we want for many different reasons. In my opinion the main reason is not working backwards from our big, detailed picture down to our smaller day-to-day actions. We consciously know what we want, may even take a few small steps... but in order to establish long term success, it must come from knowing why, and the motivation behind that why.

Your answer to why is?

Who I Was...

"Why is Dayne teaching anybody about the mental game. Does he remember how he used to be?!"

-Friend from the past

Who I was is not who I am.

I used to be hot-headed, throwing and breaking numerous tennis racquets whenever I got angry. I was thrown out of a high school tennis tournament for verbally abusing the referee. I got in a fist fight with every player on my basketball team during my senior year. I jumped over the net, attempted to punch my opponent after he cheated me, but before I could reach him, my doubles partner grabbed my collar and pulled me to the ground. Wanting to get kicked out of a match because I was losing, I purposely elbowed my opponent as we changed sides of the court. 

Who I was is not who I am.

After missing an easy jump shot during a prestigious high school basketball All Star game, I told the coach not to put me back in. Here I was in front of college scouts, and I couldn't make a 15 foot shot? "Why even play this stupid game? I'll never make it at the college level," I told myself. I remember that moment as if it was yesterday. I could've played college basketball for most Division I teams, but allowed that moment to sway my belief system... choosing the "easy" tennis route, where I knew I would succeed.

Who I was is not who I am.

A very close friend said she didn't want a priest to marry her and her fiance... instead she wanted me to do the wedding ceremony. After immediately saying no, I took two weeks to rethink that decision. "Marry them? Me? Are they freakin' crazy, wanting me to speak in front of 150 people on the biggest day of their life... a day in which I could potentially ruin?" The fear I had of completely destroying the most important day of their lives is exactly the reason I decided to say yes! Fear wouldn't run my life any longer. I stood in front of the gorgeous couple, their family and friends, and took the biggest risk of my life!

Who I was is not who I am.

After shooting my worst score during my first golf tournament, I immediately entered another one, shot my all time best score, and won the tournament. After losing in the finals of a tennis tournament I previously won 4 times , and was supposed to win again, I called my opponent and congratulated him for playing so well. I had aspirations of wanting more, needing more, and deserving more, but didn't know how to accomplish those goals. I took a chance, quit my job, chased that dream, and made it a reality.

Who I was is not who I am.

My wife wanted to start a family, but I didn't think I was ready to be a daddy. How was I going to teach a little baby anything? I didn't know how to be a father... my baby would definitely see all my flaws, know I was faking it, and wouldn't ever trust me. How was I going to earn enough money to support my family in the city we live? How was I going to stop being so selfish? How would I get over my fear of failure, self doubt, and insecurities? Then Logan was born...

Who I was made me who I am!!